"i'm just not happy"

thats what i told my bf today, after he asked me what was going on with me the last days and why i seem to be so depressed. i dunno how to explain this, but the last days i didnt wanna do anything. i would like to stay in my room all day and completely ignore whats going on outside. i'd like to ignore the girls planning things we "totlly gotta do today, tomorrow, the weekend." i feel like i'm only going out/doing stuff cause "everybody does". i'm pretty sure you all know this feeling and its okay sometimes, but i'm fed up with it. i want to want to go party, go see a movie, go have a coffee with friends....
my only hope is that it's just a phase. just a phase cause i'm so unhappy with my body/weight. and it will be so damn over when i see a 60... on some NEW scales. but somehow i dont dare stepping on a scale that works. what if it shows that i gained?? with my metobolism you never know. (btw: taking laxatives since 2 days, NOTHING happened yet. gotta increase the dosis tomorrow.)


*yoghurt (55cals)
*salad with cucumber (~100cals)
*milkshake (~ 220cals)
*few spongebob cornflakes (no milk) (~100cals)
*ice cream and milk (150cals)
*tuna (50cals)

= 675cals.


*15min Crosstrainer
*15min Treadmill
*30min muscle training
*120 crunches

i was in a hurry at the gym today. i'll do better next time. and i'm planning to go running for 45mins or so tomorrow.
i hope you girls feel fine and are doing better than me. i'm going to look for new scales tomorrow. so i guess on friday we'll all know how much my body hates me.
(sorry for so much depressing stuff. i'm usually not like that- really.)


  1. oh i so know what you mean....i've felt the same all day long but i might be pre-PMS-ing?
    are you about to have your period sometime soon? because this, in combination with lack of sugar, makes you quite sad and isolated sometimes....


  2. no.. my period is due in more than a week i guess (and hope.. gotta check pills). it'll go away... i know, it just sucks right now, but thats life.

  3. dont worry hun, I totally know what you mean. The only person i can stand speaking to is my boyfriend. Everyone else has a gazillion other problems that i dont want to deal with. Hang in there, I'm sure its just a phase :) well done on your intake, you will be seeing 60 in no time

  4. You are doing great (at least better than me).

  5. I know what you mean.. these past couple months ive realised im just going out cause im asked and everyones doing it.. most of the time i come back depressed...
    stay strong xx