frickin failure.

i am totally ashamed to tell you girls about this. yesterday was terrible. thats why i didnt post anything. i knew that it would go really bad, with my bestie back home and the fact that we were getting completely wasted. i was eating like.... like... i dont even know a word in any language to describe it. i am a frickin WHALE right now. i had like 650cals or so over the day, then we got drunk with billions of cals. like really completely wasted. and then i started stuffin chocolate (!!!) pringles (!!!) and some yoghurt-madarines-cake into my face like a mad person. like there was no tomorrow. i was already feeling sick and my stomach was more than full but i didnt stop.
i desperately tried to purge- but whatever i do, it never works for me and it only comes up "natural". i was feeling sooo sick. ic couldnt even lie in a bed cause my stomach was so full. i disgusted myself. i'm so sorry to disgust you with that.

my bestie doesnt really feel good today, so we decided not to go out tonight and just hang out and watch movies or play games. LUCKILY- no alc.
i'm trying to stay under 700cals today. already had a slice of bread with nutella at her place. i'd say 200. and i'll propably have to eat some pistachios with her tonight. so a max of 350 until then. possible.
anyways, i propably put on like a kilo with that bingefest yesterday. i hate myself and my non existant self-control. seriously.

also planning to join a liquid fast from monday to wednesday. (i'll only eat if it is absolutely necessary!)

oh, better dont ask about my weight. i'll post that story later. depressing enough.
thinspo to make up for this will follow.
i need you girlies <3