BIPOLAR

here i go again. i dont wanna think about the past 3 or 4 days, for some reason my brain wasnt working and yeah, i could continue hating myself for what i did- but thats what i did the last days and it only made me eat more/worse. so here are some updates:

1. you girls are the best. when i posted the last entry, i was totally down and sort of sick of myself. i didnt expect anyone to reply... and then i saw your lovely comments. i cannot thank you enough- you are sooo motivating and kind. i will make it all up to you- i promise.

2. i never mentioned it here, and somehow i nearly forgot about it myself. approx. 2 years ago i had a herniated disk. you girls propably know this from old men or so... and it usually is. but my body is weird. this all happened because my hips are randomly twisted and so there is too much pressure on some intervertebral disk... so boring. but i tell you girls, its nothing but PAINFUL. if u move the tiniest bit, it feels like your whole spine is standing on some burning rusty nail or might collapse or what do i know. i hurts like shit. like seriously. i had some sort of pain-therapy and after that i started physio therapy. after 6month or so, i was fine again. of course i still tend to have probs with my back, but thats nothing compared to what i have experienced whit that intervertebral disk. i didnt really have probs for like 6months now.
sunday, i wanted to pick something up from the floor and suddenly there was this pain again. i did some stretching and it got better. but- to shorten this cause i bet i'm so boring- since sunday my back/spine is a real problem. i cant really do my workout because i fear the disk might slip out of my spine again (u get what i mean?)
and this really sucks! i'm going to the gym tomorrow anyways.. i'll just be careful.

3. i hate it that i cant punish myself with running or anything sporty now!

4. my first radio-report was on air on monday. yesterday, the whole redaction was meeting and usually everyone critics everyone else. but for some reason everyone liked what i did. yay! doing the next one for next monday already. this is exciting!

5. dont really like hanging with my friends here lately. i'm more and more yearning for solitude.. cause in the end my friends now shit about why i feel bad about myself. they think i might feel batter when i have some of their choclate. TOTALLY GIRLS.

6. planning to stay under 700 cals. this is a lot and easy to most of you- i know. i blame the fact that i wanna eat so much (especially things with billions of cals like choc, crisps or sweets) on my stupid period. cant wait til its over!!

7. taking my fatburner pills again. i hope they work. i'm only taking 2 instead of 4, because last time i took for they made me feel dizzy and sick.


i guess thats it loves. i wanna appologize again that i neglected you and your blogs. but as i said: i'll make it up!
tons and tons of skinny love to all of you!