i just dont know

i am eating quite a lot again. a lot compared to you adoreable skinnies. still less than normal persons. and honestly i dont know how to feel about it. 1200cals is told to be best amount of cals to eat when you wanna lose weight, just read that in a mag. i dunno if it works for me. i dunno if i like myself lately.
i just dont know anything. i'll propably take some time to find that out.
i'm sorry my loves.

PRUNES :)

I was inspired by WannabSkinny and bought some dried prunes on monday. I was suprised because they taste quite good.... but why i actually bought them is because i read that they were good for ones digestion.
I really cannot be sure if it is the prunes YET (because i ate so much what is propably left inside of me and wants to get out) buuuut i feel like my digestion is really getting better/faster.
So my tipp of the day: 1 prune a day keeps your digestion-probs away!

:)

hello skinny ladies!

it is 4pm here now and i have consumed a max of 550cals yet. 130 of them were dark choclate. i allow myself to have some, cause i'm still havin my period.. some sweets seem to be necessary during that time..
the interview last night went pretty well... i also got the chance to talk to a few hot guys.. :)
i'm going out with my friends tonight but i'm planning to stay sober and go to bed not all too late. tomorrow i have to be at the uni from 10am-5pm non-stop. got a seminar about television-journalism (sounds stupid but i guess you get what i mean).
i'm planning to take a smoothie and some curd (did i mention i am frickin in looove with curd?! i have it all the time with fresh fruits..yummiiii) with rasperries or so. i dont wanna eat with the others there.. fruit-curd is the perfect alternative.

gotta work now, and then i'll propably have another 150cals. or less. 700cals is the goal!

i got some happygirls at the beach thinspo for you :)









are you girls going somewhere in summer? i mean to some beach or so? or are you so happy to have a beach right in front of your house??
in both cases- we do wanna look good in our bikinis. and we will do whatever it takes for it!

I FORGOT HOW GREAT IT FEELS TO BE EMPTY

or at least nearly empty.
how great ist feels when you can calculate it over and over and you still end up thinking: i'm doing good.

i told you girls i was eating a lot these last days. its 5pm here now and i had 350cals yet. and it feels so good.
i forgot how good it feels, i forgot that it feels way better than the taste of chocolate in your mouth. and it lasts soooo much longer.

i just came back from the gym (my back feels better, yay!) and now i'm having some curd with jam. yummi.

i am really motivated... but unfortunately in a hurry! soo much to do today! and tonight i got an interviwer for my next report.. exciting!

sorry for the boring post, might update later!

BIPOLAR

here i go again. i dont wanna think about the past 3 or 4 days, for some reason my brain wasnt working and yeah, i could continue hating myself for what i did- but thats what i did the last days and it only made me eat more/worse. so here are some updates:

1. you girls are the best. when i posted the last entry, i was totally down and sort of sick of myself. i didnt expect anyone to reply... and then i saw your lovely comments. i cannot thank you enough- you are sooo motivating and kind. i will make it all up to you- i promise.

2. i never mentioned it here, and somehow i nearly forgot about it myself. approx. 2 years ago i had a herniated disk. you girls propably know this from old men or so... and it usually is. but my body is weird. this all happened because my hips are randomly twisted and so there is too much pressure on some intervertebral disk... so boring. but i tell you girls, its nothing but PAINFUL. if u move the tiniest bit, it feels like your whole spine is standing on some burning rusty nail or might collapse or what do i know. i hurts like shit. like seriously. i had some sort of pain-therapy and after that i started physio therapy. after 6month or so, i was fine again. of course i still tend to have probs with my back, but thats nothing compared to what i have experienced whit that intervertebral disk. i didnt really have probs for like 6months now.
sunday, i wanted to pick something up from the floor and suddenly there was this pain again. i did some stretching and it got better. but- to shorten this cause i bet i'm so boring- since sunday my back/spine is a real problem. i cant really do my workout because i fear the disk might slip out of my spine again (u get what i mean?)
and this really sucks! i'm going to the gym tomorrow anyways.. i'll just be careful.

3. i hate it that i cant punish myself with running or anything sporty now!

4. my first radio-report was on air on monday. yesterday, the whole redaction was meeting and usually everyone critics everyone else. but for some reason everyone liked what i did. yay! doing the next one for next monday already. this is exciting!

5. dont really like hanging with my friends here lately. i'm more and more yearning for solitude.. cause in the end my friends now shit about why i feel bad about myself. they think i might feel batter when i have some of their choclate. TOTALLY GIRLS.

6. planning to stay under 700 cals. this is a lot and easy to most of you- i know. i blame the fact that i wanna eat so much (especially things with billions of cals like choc, crisps or sweets) on my stupid period. cant wait til its over!!

7. taking my fatburner pills again. i hope they work. i'm only taking 2 instead of 4, because last time i took for they made me feel dizzy and sick.


i guess thats it loves. i wanna appologize again that i neglected you and your blogs. but as i said: i'll make it up!
tons and tons of skinny love to all of you!

disappearing

sorry for slighty disappearing girls. i feel like shit. and i dont even wanna think about how many cals i ate today.
i'll try to restart the whole thing tomorrow. i'm sorry.

SUPERMODEL-THINSPO: Elsa Hosk

yet another stunning model. i think she has a very special look.. cant really describe it. just like the nice happy girl who loves to just run over a meadow in spring, loving her life. what i really like about her, is that she looks delicate but also strong. and her face is perfect for 50ties styles/ vintage shoots. no idea why i think that.
i thought it would be nice to let you skinnies also know some "important" facts about the models, could be really thinspiring. Elsa is 175cm tall, her waist is 58cm and her hip 88cm.

frickin failure.

i am totally ashamed to tell you girls about this. yesterday was terrible. thats why i didnt post anything. i knew that it would go really bad, with my bestie back home and the fact that we were getting completely wasted. i was eating like.... like... i dont even know a word in any language to describe it. i am a frickin WHALE right now. i had like 650cals or so over the day, then we got drunk with billions of cals. like really completely wasted. and then i started stuffin chocolate (!!!) pringles (!!!) and some yoghurt-madarines-cake into my face like a mad person. like there was no tomorrow. i was already feeling sick and my stomach was more than full but i didnt stop.
i desperately tried to purge- but whatever i do, it never works for me and it only comes up "natural". i was feeling sooo sick. ic couldnt even lie in a bed cause my stomach was so full. i disgusted myself. i'm so sorry to disgust you with that.

my bestie doesnt really feel good today, so we decided not to go out tonight and just hang out and watch movies or play games. LUCKILY- no alc.
i'm trying to stay under 700cals today. already had a slice of bread with nutella at her place. i'd say 200. and i'll propably have to eat some pistachios with her tonight. so a max of 350 until then. possible.
anyways, i propably put on like a kilo with that bingefest yesterday. i hate myself and my non existant self-control. seriously.

also planning to join a liquid fast from monday to wednesday. (i'll only eat if it is absolutely necessary!)

oh, better dont ask about my weight. i'll post that story later. depressing enough.
thinspo to make up for this will follow.
i need you girlies <3